In spectacular Slacker Mommy fashion I have slacked off from even bothering to remember this blog that no one reads. I often find myself here typing when I can't figure out what is going on in my life. The last six months have been a time of such immense change....it all started last September really. The change has been much more spiritual than anything else and really it now shapes so much of how I view my life. That is probably a post for another day.
I am once again struggling with the desire to do it all, to be supermom, to be a good wife and take care of everyone and am falling way short. I am tired, I am angry that I feel like the last few days I have done nothing but cook and negotiate with a whining almost 3 year old, who when not up to some trouble is asking "why" incessantly. I have been short tempered and angry with both X and B. I am having difficulty knowing at what point do I get to be angry about B's lack of help. I know he is stressed and tired, but I so am I! The house is a wreck, there is not a clean dish in the kitchen and seriously he just sits on the couch and WAITS for me to bring him a plate. I want to scream and yell. I want to start a fight. I want to win. Though I know none of that is the right thing to do. What is? Keep cleaning and cooking until I can't anymore because I am so tired? I try to keep reminding myself of the story of Jesus washing the apostles feet and keep that attitude of service in my heart while I take care of my family and do things I do not enjoy doing.
I can't do it all on my own. Ha! That is so true, but perhaps I am not asking for help from the right person.
Showing posts with label starting over. Show all posts
Showing posts with label starting over. Show all posts
7.19.2011
6.16.2010
Slacker Mommy take 4 or 5 or 6.
Again I have grand plans for writing the blog to hold myself accountable for all the goals I have in my life, and I never manage to get past start. I think I need to write daily to get into the habit of keeping up with the blog. I have so many areas of interest health, financial, cooking, saving money, decorating, being productive at work, taking care of myself and my family. Having so many things to worry with make it hard to nail down exactly what I want or need to write about. I think for a few weeks I will write what comes to me, and after that, perhaps I will have a schedule of weekly topics that cover the various aspects of my life.
I started this blog because I was tired of feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Here I am 12.5 months later and I am not sure much has changed yet. I still feel like I have more to do than can ever get done and that I spend more time working than I do on all the other parts of my life combined. I have some plans in the works.
1) the house is just about done, hopefully in a few more weeks I will have everything cleaned out and organized and can post some before and after pictures.
2) B and I are training for a 5K. I think I will only be able to walk it, but I really am going to give it my best shot. It is 2 months from now. I want to see how far I can walk on my own right now and then I will come up with a schedule of weekly goals.
The 5K makes me nervous. I am terrified I won't be able to do it, or my lungs won't cooperate. We have decided to give TTC a break for at least a month while I get ready because training for it while pregnant would not be fun. This also scares me. I really thought I would get pregnant right away. I just don't want to still be trying 6 months from now. I am trying to see this as a "it will happen when it's supposed to happen" event. I know in my head that it would be better if I was at a healthier weight, but I really want to know another baby is on the way.
I started this blog because I was tired of feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Here I am 12.5 months later and I am not sure much has changed yet. I still feel like I have more to do than can ever get done and that I spend more time working than I do on all the other parts of my life combined. I have some plans in the works.
1) the house is just about done, hopefully in a few more weeks I will have everything cleaned out and organized and can post some before and after pictures.
2) B and I are training for a 5K. I think I will only be able to walk it, but I really am going to give it my best shot. It is 2 months from now. I want to see how far I can walk on my own right now and then I will come up with a schedule of weekly goals.
The 5K makes me nervous. I am terrified I won't be able to do it, or my lungs won't cooperate. We have decided to give TTC a break for at least a month while I get ready because training for it while pregnant would not be fun. This also scares me. I really thought I would get pregnant right away. I just don't want to still be trying 6 months from now. I am trying to see this as a "it will happen when it's supposed to happen" event. I know in my head that it would be better if I was at a healthier weight, but I really want to know another baby is on the way.
9.10.2009
And here I go again!
August flew by in a swirl of busyness and sickness. X had an ear infection and ended up at home for 4 days. Then I was sick for over a week. All of my goals and plans never came to fruition. I did manage to have a yard sale, B ran his first race, and X's birthday was a success. Then we went on vacation last weekend. We have not had a weekend free since the beginning of August. My little sister J is having freshman roommate drama so she is coming to stay this weekend.
Maybe I am going about this all the wrong way, expecting everything at once. Though everything goes through my head at once. What is that I hope to achieve? How long until I reach that goal? What do I need to do to get there? There are SO many things where do I begin?
1) I want to be organized and put together. Both at home and work. Currently the house is a disaster, my desk at work is a mess and I look like a 45 year old woman, and I am not quite 28.
2) I want to be able to focus on what I am doing not worrying about every other task in my head. Sitting and writing this is hard because I have 10 other ideas of things I want to do.
3) I want to improve myself. Not only be more put together and look better, but to put time into what I enjoy. I would like to explore my faith/ beliefs, work on scrapbooks, get back into cooking, and maybe find some type of exercise that makes me have more energy
4) I want to save more, spend less and not feel deprived. I am trying very hard to reduce our frivolous spending so we can pay off bills and live the life we want. I really need to sit down with B and discuss this with him.
5) I want to be more on the ball at work. I lack focus and tend to get side tracked. Luckily due to some situations at work, things are slow. I feel like I am just sliding by. Needing to find a new job may still be a very real possibility in the next year. I have slacked since getting pregnant. Perhaps feeling accomplished at work will give me the energy I need to stay motivated in the evenings.
6) B and I need to find time for each other. He has been very affectionate and sweet lately. It has been nice. I still find myself trying to find reasons to be angry with him. That is not good.
There are so many other things, but this is probably more than enough to start with.
I have 2 choices. Things can stay the same or they can change. I am giving myself until Christmas. That is a little over 100 days. So how do I begin? I tend to like to jump in head first, but we can see how well that works. Though baby steps I see no progress and get frustrated and give up.
Maybe I am going about this all the wrong way, expecting everything at once. Though everything goes through my head at once. What is that I hope to achieve? How long until I reach that goal? What do I need to do to get there? There are SO many things where do I begin?
1) I want to be organized and put together. Both at home and work. Currently the house is a disaster, my desk at work is a mess and I look like a 45 year old woman, and I am not quite 28.
2) I want to be able to focus on what I am doing not worrying about every other task in my head. Sitting and writing this is hard because I have 10 other ideas of things I want to do.
3) I want to improve myself. Not only be more put together and look better, but to put time into what I enjoy. I would like to explore my faith/ beliefs, work on scrapbooks, get back into cooking, and maybe find some type of exercise that makes me have more energy
4) I want to save more, spend less and not feel deprived. I am trying very hard to reduce our frivolous spending so we can pay off bills and live the life we want. I really need to sit down with B and discuss this with him.
5) I want to be more on the ball at work. I lack focus and tend to get side tracked. Luckily due to some situations at work, things are slow. I feel like I am just sliding by. Needing to find a new job may still be a very real possibility in the next year. I have slacked since getting pregnant. Perhaps feeling accomplished at work will give me the energy I need to stay motivated in the evenings.
6) B and I need to find time for each other. He has been very affectionate and sweet lately. It has been nice. I still find myself trying to find reasons to be angry with him. That is not good.
There are so many other things, but this is probably more than enough to start with.
I have 2 choices. Things can stay the same or they can change. I am giving myself until Christmas. That is a little over 100 days. So how do I begin? I tend to like to jump in head first, but we can see how well that works. Though baby steps I see no progress and get frustrated and give up.
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