Why can't things that I need to get done be done. Why can't B do what needs to be done. I spent all day Saturday cooking lots of food to freeze and make life easier. I got sick on Sunday and he took care of X. It is Wednesday now and the kitchen is still FILTHY. IT SMELLS. And honestly I feel like it should not be my responsibility. B is supposed to do dishes. I am so upset about it I am still awake at 1:30 am. I have to get up for work in 4 hours. My sister is coming on Friday. Every night I expect him to help around the house he is either so absorbed in the TV I cant even get him to answer a question or he falls asleep and is so out of it I can not get him to wake up.
I know he does a lot. He gets up and gets things going in the AM. He makes our lunches and most of the time gets the wee one ready for the day. He does the yard work, but really it is about once every 3 weeks. I pay the bills, plan the budget, make a menu, grocery shop, wash diapers. I am the only one that comes up with and chops up all of X's food.
9.24.2009
9.16.2009
You win some you lose some.
Well it has been a week and what progress have I made so far?
1) I want to be organized and put together. Both at home and work. Currently the house is a disaster, my desk at work is a mess and I look like a 45 year old woman, and I am not quite 28.
I bought some new clothes this weekend, some new potions for my skin. I put earrings in and have been wearing some lip gloss on in the morning. I feel better about myself....just a few changes. I am also getting my hair cut for the first time in 2 years tomorrow.
2) I want to be able to focus on what I am doing not worrying about every other task in my head. Sitting and writing this is hard because I have 10 other ideas of things I want to do.
B and I have a spreadsheet on google documents with our 3 goals for the day at both home and work and our goal for the week. The first day it kept me focused, yesterday not so much and today it remains to be seen. I like the idea though, to only have a few things to worry with instead of all the clutter in my head.
3) I want to improve myself. Not only be more put together and look better, but to put time into what I enjoy. I would like to explore my faith/ beliefs, work on scrapbooks, get back into cooking, and maybe find some type of exercise that makes me have more energy
See #1 I want to get the house picked up and start doing yoga again. I am debating going to a knitting group at church.
4) I want to save more, spend less and not feel deprived. I am trying very hard to reduce our frivolous spending so we can pay off bills and live the life we want. I really need to sit down with B and discuss this with him.
Really need to work on this. Currently I am the only voice of reason when it comes to spending money, and I am easily swayed by B. I need to sit down and discuss our goals, I keep putting it off because B tends to get defensive. This is imperative it happens; we have car repairs and possibly owe taxes this year.
5) I want to be more on the ball at work. I lack focus and tend to get side tracked. Luckily due to some situations at work, things are slow. I feel like I am just sliding by. Needing to find a new job may still be a very real possibility in the next year. I have slacked since getting pregnant. Perhaps feeling accomplished at work will give me the energy I need to stay motivated in the evenings.
#1 addresses this
6) B and I need to find time for each other. He has been very affectionate and sweet lately. It has been nice. I still find myself trying to find reasons to be angry with him. That is not good.
We are back in roommate mode. It is not fun. I miss B. He is just a grouch, but he tends to get this way when the seasons change. Something needs to change, but I don't even know where to begin.
1) I want to be organized and put together. Both at home and work. Currently the house is a disaster, my desk at work is a mess and I look like a 45 year old woman, and I am not quite 28.
I bought some new clothes this weekend, some new potions for my skin. I put earrings in and have been wearing some lip gloss on in the morning. I feel better about myself....just a few changes. I am also getting my hair cut for the first time in 2 years tomorrow.
2) I want to be able to focus on what I am doing not worrying about every other task in my head. Sitting and writing this is hard because I have 10 other ideas of things I want to do.
B and I have a spreadsheet on google documents with our 3 goals for the day at both home and work and our goal for the week. The first day it kept me focused, yesterday not so much and today it remains to be seen. I like the idea though, to only have a few things to worry with instead of all the clutter in my head.
3) I want to improve myself. Not only be more put together and look better, but to put time into what I enjoy. I would like to explore my faith/ beliefs, work on scrapbooks, get back into cooking, and maybe find some type of exercise that makes me have more energy
See #1 I want to get the house picked up and start doing yoga again. I am debating going to a knitting group at church.
4) I want to save more, spend less and not feel deprived. I am trying very hard to reduce our frivolous spending so we can pay off bills and live the life we want. I really need to sit down with B and discuss this with him.
Really need to work on this. Currently I am the only voice of reason when it comes to spending money, and I am easily swayed by B. I need to sit down and discuss our goals, I keep putting it off because B tends to get defensive. This is imperative it happens; we have car repairs and possibly owe taxes this year.
5) I want to be more on the ball at work. I lack focus and tend to get side tracked. Luckily due to some situations at work, things are slow. I feel like I am just sliding by. Needing to find a new job may still be a very real possibility in the next year. I have slacked since getting pregnant. Perhaps feeling accomplished at work will give me the energy I need to stay motivated in the evenings.
#1 addresses this
6) B and I need to find time for each other. He has been very affectionate and sweet lately. It has been nice. I still find myself trying to find reasons to be angry with him. That is not good.
We are back in roommate mode. It is not fun. I miss B. He is just a grouch, but he tends to get this way when the seasons change. Something needs to change, but I don't even know where to begin.
9.10.2009
And here I go again!
August flew by in a swirl of busyness and sickness. X had an ear infection and ended up at home for 4 days. Then I was sick for over a week. All of my goals and plans never came to fruition. I did manage to have a yard sale, B ran his first race, and X's birthday was a success. Then we went on vacation last weekend. We have not had a weekend free since the beginning of August. My little sister J is having freshman roommate drama so she is coming to stay this weekend.
Maybe I am going about this all the wrong way, expecting everything at once. Though everything goes through my head at once. What is that I hope to achieve? How long until I reach that goal? What do I need to do to get there? There are SO many things where do I begin?
1) I want to be organized and put together. Both at home and work. Currently the house is a disaster, my desk at work is a mess and I look like a 45 year old woman, and I am not quite 28.
2) I want to be able to focus on what I am doing not worrying about every other task in my head. Sitting and writing this is hard because I have 10 other ideas of things I want to do.
3) I want to improve myself. Not only be more put together and look better, but to put time into what I enjoy. I would like to explore my faith/ beliefs, work on scrapbooks, get back into cooking, and maybe find some type of exercise that makes me have more energy
4) I want to save more, spend less and not feel deprived. I am trying very hard to reduce our frivolous spending so we can pay off bills and live the life we want. I really need to sit down with B and discuss this with him.
5) I want to be more on the ball at work. I lack focus and tend to get side tracked. Luckily due to some situations at work, things are slow. I feel like I am just sliding by. Needing to find a new job may still be a very real possibility in the next year. I have slacked since getting pregnant. Perhaps feeling accomplished at work will give me the energy I need to stay motivated in the evenings.
6) B and I need to find time for each other. He has been very affectionate and sweet lately. It has been nice. I still find myself trying to find reasons to be angry with him. That is not good.
There are so many other things, but this is probably more than enough to start with.
I have 2 choices. Things can stay the same or they can change. I am giving myself until Christmas. That is a little over 100 days. So how do I begin? I tend to like to jump in head first, but we can see how well that works. Though baby steps I see no progress and get frustrated and give up.
Maybe I am going about this all the wrong way, expecting everything at once. Though everything goes through my head at once. What is that I hope to achieve? How long until I reach that goal? What do I need to do to get there? There are SO many things where do I begin?
1) I want to be organized and put together. Both at home and work. Currently the house is a disaster, my desk at work is a mess and I look like a 45 year old woman, and I am not quite 28.
2) I want to be able to focus on what I am doing not worrying about every other task in my head. Sitting and writing this is hard because I have 10 other ideas of things I want to do.
3) I want to improve myself. Not only be more put together and look better, but to put time into what I enjoy. I would like to explore my faith/ beliefs, work on scrapbooks, get back into cooking, and maybe find some type of exercise that makes me have more energy
4) I want to save more, spend less and not feel deprived. I am trying very hard to reduce our frivolous spending so we can pay off bills and live the life we want. I really need to sit down with B and discuss this with him.
5) I want to be more on the ball at work. I lack focus and tend to get side tracked. Luckily due to some situations at work, things are slow. I feel like I am just sliding by. Needing to find a new job may still be a very real possibility in the next year. I have slacked since getting pregnant. Perhaps feeling accomplished at work will give me the energy I need to stay motivated in the evenings.
6) B and I need to find time for each other. He has been very affectionate and sweet lately. It has been nice. I still find myself trying to find reasons to be angry with him. That is not good.
There are so many other things, but this is probably more than enough to start with.
I have 2 choices. Things can stay the same or they can change. I am giving myself until Christmas. That is a little over 100 days. So how do I begin? I tend to like to jump in head first, but we can see how well that works. Though baby steps I see no progress and get frustrated and give up.
8.21.2009
Memories from a year ago...
As it gets closer to X's birthday I keep thinking about last year. At this point I was SO pregnant, uncomfortable, swollen and tired. I was very impatient. I had my Doctors appointment and found I was dilated to 4cm and 75-80% effaced. It seemed like anytime the baby could be born. The week before my due date was the hardest at work because people kept acting surprised that I was still there and pregnant. I remember the sweet old couple in the apartment next to us ran into us on Sunday and it was the first time she realized I was expecting. Mrs. F mentioned it, then seemed very surprised when I told her I was due in 3 days!
The 25th was a Monday and I had given up hope that he would be born without an induction. I never let myself hope he would be born before Friday. So when my water broke that night I was a little surprised.
Remembering all of this makes me want another baby SO much. The excitement and joy of it all. But now I know what labor is like, there is so much less unknown so maybe it would be less stressful in that regard. Honestly if we had the money for daycare I would definitely be considering getting pregnant again. Which seems insane since I am so tired all of the time and cant seem to get my life together with one kid. But things don't feel complete. I really want another baby and I really wish I could have one sooner than later
The 25th was a Monday and I had given up hope that he would be born without an induction. I never let myself hope he would be born before Friday. So when my water broke that night I was a little surprised.
Remembering all of this makes me want another baby SO much. The excitement and joy of it all. But now I know what labor is like, there is so much less unknown so maybe it would be less stressful in that regard. Honestly if we had the money for daycare I would definitely be considering getting pregnant again. Which seems insane since I am so tired all of the time and cant seem to get my life together with one kid. But things don't feel complete. I really want another baby and I really wish I could have one sooner than later
8.02.2009
August goals.
It seems August is already here. I have not managed to make much progress in accomplishing all I set out for myself in July. X was baptized last weekend. I did manage to pull of a very nice meal for our families who came to mass. I made chicken tortilla soup in the crock pot, salad and had berries with angel food cake for dessert. I need to focus more on my small accomplishments instead of everything I should be doing. I have the tendency to flit from one idea or task to the next. It makes it very difficult to focus.
I think that will be my goal for the next week to be more mindful of what I am doing and focus on the task at hand. I am going to do one task a day around the house....simple things that need to be done
Monday - dust
Tuesday - mop / vacuum
Wednesday - clean bathroom
Thursday - clean fridge
Friday - change sheets
I need to regain my focus at work. I have enough work to do for months, but I manage to procrastinate and I could be more productive. I should have the lab in better order, and there I go worrying about everything I should do. I can't help it. It makes sense if the lab was cleaner then I wouldn't have to clean things before I start a project. Really I need to pick the place up. Tomorrow at work I am going to try and stay fully focused on work, which is SO hard for me. I have brains to slice. I am going to do that, prepare some slides and spend at least 1 hour picking up the lab.
I can do this I have 8 hours at work and at least 3 baby free hours in the evening. I should be able to accomplish SO much. I am going to try my hardest to make the most of it!
I think that will be my goal for the next week to be more mindful of what I am doing and focus on the task at hand. I am going to do one task a day around the house....simple things that need to be done
Monday - dust
Tuesday - mop / vacuum
Wednesday - clean bathroom
Thursday - clean fridge
Friday - change sheets
I need to regain my focus at work. I have enough work to do for months, but I manage to procrastinate and I could be more productive. I should have the lab in better order, and there I go worrying about everything I should do. I can't help it. It makes sense if the lab was cleaner then I wouldn't have to clean things before I start a project. Really I need to pick the place up. Tomorrow at work I am going to try and stay fully focused on work, which is SO hard for me. I have brains to slice. I am going to do that, prepare some slides and spend at least 1 hour picking up the lab.
I can do this I have 8 hours at work and at least 3 baby free hours in the evening. I should be able to accomplish SO much. I am going to try my hardest to make the most of it!
7.20.2009
So here we are July is winding down. Things with work are better and I am probably not going to have to look for a job right now.
I am not much closer to any of my goals than I was this time a month ago. I have been trying to stretch myself a little more with mixed results. Friday I went to a scrapbooking crop and I was SO nervous to be somewhere new with people I didn't know. And I didn't speak to anyone the whole night. I am however determined to go again sometime. Maybe next month. Now I know what to expect it might be better. Saturday I was to meet some local mommies at a park. Only one other mom showed up, but it was nice to meet someone else and not too terribly weird. The weather was beautiful and strangely cool for July. Hopefully we can encourage some other mamas to attend next time. X wore me out because he wanted to eat the mulch most of the time we were there.
I guess that is progress. B and I are still trying really hard to not fight and when we do, figure out what we are really upset about instead of bringing everything up like we normaly do. It is work at times but things have been better between us. We still need to work on time with each other and taking time out for ourselves. Friday I went to scrapbook and was gone for about 4-5 hours. Instead of enjoying himself B cleans the house and does laundry. It looks great, but I wish he took time out for himself.
We are still struggling to eat at home and stick to a budget. It is such a struggle. We really need to sort this out. There is so much that we want to do with the house, buy a new car, save for maternity leave in a couple of years and pay off bills and it never fails we seem to get off track.
I am not much closer to any of my goals than I was this time a month ago. I have been trying to stretch myself a little more with mixed results. Friday I went to a scrapbooking crop and I was SO nervous to be somewhere new with people I didn't know. And I didn't speak to anyone the whole night. I am however determined to go again sometime. Maybe next month. Now I know what to expect it might be better. Saturday I was to meet some local mommies at a park. Only one other mom showed up, but it was nice to meet someone else and not too terribly weird. The weather was beautiful and strangely cool for July. Hopefully we can encourage some other mamas to attend next time. X wore me out because he wanted to eat the mulch most of the time we were there.
I guess that is progress. B and I are still trying really hard to not fight and when we do, figure out what we are really upset about instead of bringing everything up like we normaly do. It is work at times but things have been better between us. We still need to work on time with each other and taking time out for ourselves. Friday I went to scrapbook and was gone for about 4-5 hours. Instead of enjoying himself B cleans the house and does laundry. It looks great, but I wish he took time out for himself.
We are still struggling to eat at home and stick to a budget. It is such a struggle. We really need to sort this out. There is so much that we want to do with the house, buy a new car, save for maternity leave in a couple of years and pay off bills and it never fails we seem to get off track.
7.10.2009
If it's not one thing it is something else....
Things at home seem to be going well this week. B and I have not had one arguement. I tried to figure out why and the only thing that I could come up with is we have not watched nearly as much TV. Television is such a time suck. No wonder I am such a slacker / procrastinator.
Work on the other hand has me on edge. Things are weird and there may be the posibility that I may need to start looking for a new job. That prospect is terrifying to me. I have worked at the same place for 6 years. I an comfortable and happy. I hate change!
Work on the other hand has me on edge. Things are weird and there may be the posibility that I may need to start looking for a new job. That prospect is terrifying to me. I have worked at the same place for 6 years. I an comfortable and happy. I hate change!
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