Fed Up

I am fed up again. Why am I continually frustrated by the fact I KNOW what I need to do, I just always fail to do it? I keep repeating the same behaviors and wanting things to be different, yet I do nothing to change it.

I need to be better at everything. Making healthy meals at home, exercising regularly, keeping a handle on spending, paying off bills aggressively, saving money for the future, keeping the house clean. I feel like if any of those pieces could fall into place....then everything else would follow. I just can't seem to get anything to stick. I have had a hard time finding the motivation as well. Now I have new motivation, the same motivation that got us on track 3 years ago. I wanted a baby. So I lost 30 lbs, paid off a few thousand in debt. I did not suddenly learn how to keep the house clean or stick with healthy eating and exercise once morning sickness hit. That is really what drove me to improve though. And now I am wanting another baby and wanting the best for the tiny man at home maybe that will be my motivation to change. To be the put-together, happy, healthy, loves to exercise, frugal, active, fun Mama I can be.

I look at pictures of people from high school and college on facebook. Pictures of people with families, with multiple kids and I think "are we really old enough for that yet" I am not old I'm 28. But I remember as I was getting ready to get married at 22 that 30 seemed really old and far away. So much closer to it, 30 really doesn't seem that old now. Even so I am celebrating 28 for the second time this year ;).

So this is it. This year I am going to be different. I am going to try and Run a 5k in August. I am going to plan on getting pregnant in the next 12 months. I am going to enjoy my life, my family, my son and I will be better for them. I will not let myself get discouraged when things don't go as planned. I am not perfect I will mess up, things will go wrong. It will be okay no mater what. If I at least TRY to be different in a year I can look back and say "well I really tried" instead of looking back and feeling frustrated because I am stuck in the same place I was before.