So here we are July is winding down. Things with work are better and I am probably not going to have to look for a job right now.

I am not much closer to any of my goals than I was this time a month ago. I have been trying to stretch myself a little more with mixed results. Friday I went to a scrapbooking crop and I was SO nervous to be somewhere new with people I didn't know. And I didn't speak to anyone the whole night. I am however determined to go again sometime. Maybe next month. Now I know what to expect it might be better. Saturday I was to meet some local mommies at a park. Only one other mom showed up, but it was nice to meet someone else and not too terribly weird. The weather was beautiful and strangely cool for July. Hopefully we can encourage some other mamas to attend next time. X wore me out because he wanted to eat the mulch most of the time we were there.

I guess that is progress. B and I are still trying really hard to not fight and when we do, figure out what we are really upset about instead of bringing everything up like we normaly do. It is work at times but things have been better between us. We still need to work on time with each other and taking time out for ourselves. Friday I went to scrapbook and was gone for about 4-5 hours. Instead of enjoying himself B cleans the house and does laundry. It looks great, but I wish he took time out for himself.

We are still struggling to eat at home and stick to a budget. It is such a struggle. We really need to sort this out. There is so much that we want to do with the house, buy a new car, save for maternity leave in a couple of years and pay off bills and it never fails we seem to get off track.

If it's not one thing it is something else....

Things at home seem to be going well this week. B and I have not had one arguement. I tried to figure out why and the only thing that I could come up with is we have not watched nearly as much TV. Television is such a time suck. No wonder I am such a slacker / procrastinator.

Work on the other hand has me on edge. Things are weird and there may be the posibility that I may need to start looking for a new job. That prospect is terrifying to me. I have worked at the same place for 6 years. I an comfortable and happy. I hate change!

My inner rebel

I can't seem to get going. I am exhausted all of the time. Which may have something to do with the fact X has been waking up at 5:30 am EVERY morning for over a week. By the end of the day I am so worn out I resort to caffeine to function, then I can't get to sleep so I have been clocking 4-5 hours a night, maximum. This needs to change.

I know there are things that need to be done. I just don't want to do them. I would rather do something enjoyable or fun. So what do I do? I rebel against myself and don't do what needs to be done. Or I do the bare minimum I need to get by. Some examples of this would be the dishes from dinner still on the table. This may in part be due to the sink so piled with dishes it can't be used (which is B's job and a different post). I walked by those plates a dozen times this evening and they are still sitting there. Or the giant tub of baby bottles that need washed. They started piling up so things snowballed and now nearly every bottle/ pump part is dirty.

I KNOW these things need done, but I tell myself " I don't want to" or it has been a long, hard week and "I deserve the chance to relax." Nothing gets done I get overwhelmed. Why do I do this? I need to do 100 things before we go home this weekend but I really can't find the motivation to do it.

Also I was re- reading my last post and my ideas sound great I just hope I can actually work on those goals this month.