30 days of cooking at home: Days 6,7 and 8

Day 6 - out to lunch we ended up spending WAY more at a sitdown restaurant than subway would have been. I have zero will power when B pouts. We did manage to eat BBQ at home again.

Day 7 - I have not been to the store in a week, we were running low and instead of having pancakes or eggs like I suggested B says "I'll clean the whole kitchen and then we will get chinese food" Like usual we get chinese food and the kitchen is still a MESS.

Day 8 - Tired of BBQ for 3 days in a row at one point or another we have Subway. It is healthier and cheaper than the other meals we have... but we still are not cooking at home! Tonight is Pancakes for dinner.

We have decided after reading a lot about it and having previously realized the benefits of the "dirt diet" to give up processed foods. Seriously nothing that comes in a box that has more than 5 ingredients, no sugar or white flour. It will be hard. We have done it before and actually had just started it when I got pregnant with X. So I started wondering if that is the secret ingredient to getting pregnant again. At any rate it can't hurt. So Friday B and I are taking off work and cooking, cooking, cooking. My plan is to have all the meat for our food precooked and frozen for later use. The thinking is if it is already done and all I have to do is throw in a pan or salad or on some rice and dinner is ready than our no processed food plan might work.
Obviously we will have some sugar on Thanksgiving, but we are going to see how well we can stick to it. I learned that triscuits fall in the 5 ingredient rule so having something a little indulgent/ carb like seems like this will appease me when I am eating salads for lunch.


30 days of cooking: Days 4 and 5

So this whole eating at home thing this weekend was a complete failure, Thai Food for lunch after running errands on Saturday, McDonald's for Dinner and Pizza for lunch on Saturday. Did anything get cooked? No, unless you count cereal. The house is a wreck.

I should have known better that having a huge project we should have had some cold cuts around or something easy to eat this weekend that was already made. The office IS painted. The color is beautiful. The big furniture was put pack in the room and the shelves hung up high. It looks great so far. I am going to try to add things in slowly so it isn't a giant heap, but a nice room, that is done. Hopefully we get the futon frame painted this week so it can go into the room next week.

B and I did nothing but argue, we seem to be on different wavelengths again. I know we need to dialogue, but neither of us seems to want to start it. I am not sure why. I have a lot of sad feelings I am dealing with and B complains that everything I talk about is negative.

So are we going to do better today, no we are going out for lunch. We are having Subway though because we both feel gross after all the junk we had this weekend.

One bright spot to the weekend, other than we did get a lot accomplished we had Movie night with X. It was so much fun. We watched Toy Story 3. He only payed attention to about half of it, but his reactions to parts of it were so funny. He was begging last night to watch a "moobie". I think it is something we should deffinately do once or twice a month.


30 days of cooking: Day 3 and weekend illusions of grandeur

SO on the heels of last nights failure hopefully I can manange to cook tonight. B is going to a basketball game. I personally would rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon than sit with 20,000 people at a game. So X and I are on our own. I am going to attempt to make us scrambled eggs sandwiches. "Samiches" as X calls them, the boy is obsessed with "samiches". I also hope to cook the pork loin that has failed to make it into the crockpot for 3 nights now. Then we will have yummy BBQ to eat this weekend.

As for other weekend plans. I have grand HGTV plans where we will get the entire office redone and turned into a guestroom/ office by sunday evening. I know better but I can't still help but fantasize about it. I also want to surprise B and get the first coat on the wall while he is at the game. I am not sure there are enough hours between bedtime and the end of the game to make that happen. We shall see.


30 days of cooking: Day 2

This day got off to a rocky start since we stopped for breakfast sandwiches on the way to work this AM. We were good and at least brought our own OJ with us. I am a little concerned about dinner tonight. I was supposed to cut up and brown the pork loin last night so we could put it into the crock pot for BBQ. I feel asleep and that didn't happen so my menu is off. I guess X and I will have eggs for dinner, actually a scrambled egg sandwich sounds really good right now.

We are also planning on painting the office/ guest room and turn it into a functional guest room/ scrapbook haven, I mean office for B to study in. I really need to work on getting that room cleaned out tonight. I currently have no motivation. Hopefully when I get home I will have more energy.

Update: Last night was an EPIC FAILURE in the form of domino's pizza. Yeah I pretty much suck. Though I did discover that X will sit still if you hand him a whole apple to eat. He thinks he is big stuff sitting and eating an apple.

Day 1

For Day 1 of lets cook at home I succeeded. We had what I call "pasta toss" Which is bits of things I have left over in the fridge chicken, red peppers and a couple slices of bacon. I mix everything up with some pasta and sprinkle with some parmesean cheese. We had a salad and Snow peas and carrots, apparently the big boy AND the little boy love cooked carrots. I was so proud of myself our plates were half vegetable, they looked so healthy and colorful!
Now I will admit B picked up blizzards later last night, but it was so good.


30 days of cooking at home.

In yet again another spastic atempt to challenge myself, keep myself accountable and save money I am going to try to cook meals at home for the next 30 days. Which is perfect, because December 3, the day the 30 days will end is the same night as our Christmas Party at work which will be a really nice meal out.

This is going to be HARD. B and I both are really excellent at talking each other into things, like chinesse food or french fries, things that making them at home isn't quite the same. I am also going to try to spend as little as possible at the grocery store, though with Thanksgiving and good holiday sales I may take the opportunity to stock up. Last night was a good example of this I spent $80, but I bought MANY things at the lowest prices I am going to find them .50 cent canned fruit, 0.79 deoderant (yep I'm proud of that one.) I am a little allarmed at the rate with which we go through bananas, at least they are cheap.

I am going to try to prep ahead of time as much as possible so we can eat when we get home. We have a few busy weeks ahead of us so having dinner ready to go when we get home is the best way to ensure we actually EAT what was on the menu. I have a few noodle bowls and a frozen pizza for when we get stuck so I hope that I can actually stick to something for a change.


Grand Plans

I have a new plan. Let's see if I can actually finish a project. B and I are going out of town on Friday night for the weekend. We have been toying with the idea of painting the living room and office and rearranging things. I want the house "finished" or as finished as it can be until we come up with another idea for a project. I want the major decorating done. So we are going all out this weekend and this week. We have been collected the pieces we want.

It is a major undertaking to paint 2 rooms and a hallway, but I think it will be incredibly relaxing to come home on Sunday evening to a clean, fresh and "new" house.


How do I stay focused?

Focus - I struggle with the daily. In the Pixar movie "UP" that we watched recently the dogs in it are often easily distracted by SQUIRRELS.
I often feel the same way. I will be working on one thing and then an idea pops into my head and I work on that and then something distracts me, either a question or a phone call and I take care of that. Then I get another idea and work on that and end up very much off the original task. I struggle daily with staying focused at home and at work. Home is easier most of the time, because there are at least a few things that must be done on a daily basis. Those are feeding and putting X to bed. I am constantly aware of those tasks, because of his presence in the house and the time frame from when we get home to bedtime is only two hours. The other things that need done, like cleaning, will get halfway don and then I start something else. Though at times that something else is sitting on the couch and procrastinating.
At work I have a lot of freedom to set my own experiments and plan my day how I see fit to get my work completed. Generally speaking there are not many hard deadlines on most things. This makes procrastinating very easy. I do get my work accomplished and I do a good job, but often I find myself easily distracted. An example would be currently I need to be analyzing slides, but it is a tedious mindless task that takes a long time so I take frequent (perhaps too frequent) breaks to keep myself from falling asleep or going crazy. I do enjoy my job. I enjoy that I get to do very different things on different days from surgery and tissue collection to histology and data analysis. Often, though I end up doing weeks of one aspect of my job while all others fall to the wayside.

I am really going to try to focus on the task at hand instead of spending time fretting about the laundry and whats for dinner while at work and work while at home. I am pretty good at leaving work at work for the most part (though I will need to do some work this weekend), but as a way to escape everything we have just been coming home and watching movies. Granted with no A/C moving out of the direct line of the fan into the rest of the 87 degree house isn't the best plan. I hope once the air is back on we can start really living in our house again.



As I was sitting outside this AM eating breakfast because it was so unbearably hot in our sauna, I mean house with a broken AC. I Enjoyed the cooler air and heard the birds chirp as the sun was streaming through the trees. I swear I could see some vapor rising out of the grass as the sun warmed the damp blades. It made me stop an be thankful, for all that I have. I am where I always wanted to be.
So many times in my life I would get frustrated because I knew the goal, but I could not see how we were ever going to get there. I remember wanting a baby and not being entirely sure if we could afford it and feeling like I had to choose between a baby and buying a house. Well we had a baby and then bought a house. Honestly 2 years ago when I was pregnant if anyone had ever told me we would have been able to buy a house when X was 5 months old I would have thought they were crazy; at that point I was wondering how we were going to manage daycare. We have lived in that house for over a year now and sometimes it is frustrating. It is also nice to realize that it is OURS. To paint and re-do and unfortunately repair when it breaks. So in 2 years we have managed to accomplish 2 of our goals and bought a car too. I am thankful for those things. I am also thankful that MIL watches DS for us. This has freed up money we would have been spending on daycare to allow us to be in a better place. Yes the A/c breaking is not great, but the impact something that was THAT expensive having on us 2 or 3 years ago and now is different. I know that we can pay for it. It is nice to be in that place. My future goal is to be in a place where not only can we afford a repair like that, but we can afford to do it in cash. That will be the day I will know we have made it. Like usual, that is in our future, and I can't fully see how to get there.
I need to be grateful for what I have more often, instead of trying to see ahead to the next thing.
What am I grateful for today?
*X said his longest sentence so far "Hi, I Sees Mama!"
*We have a house and a car and everything we need, and also many things we want
*The tiny boy of mine who climbs in our bed every morning with enthusiasm, giggles and "tisses"


Slacker Mommy take 4 or 5 or 6.

Again I have grand plans for writing the blog to hold myself accountable for all the goals I have in my life, and I never manage to get past start. I think I need to write daily to get into the habit of keeping up with the blog. I have so many areas of interest health, financial, cooking, saving money, decorating, being productive at work, taking care of myself and my family. Having so many things to worry with make it hard to nail down exactly what I want or need to write about. I think for a few weeks I will write what comes to me, and after that, perhaps I will have a schedule of weekly topics that cover the various aspects of my life.
I started this blog because I was tired of feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Here I am 12.5 months later and I am not sure much has changed yet. I still feel like I have more to do than can ever get done and that I spend more time working than I do on all the other parts of my life combined. I have some plans in the works.
1) the house is just about done, hopefully in a few more weeks I will have everything cleaned out and organized and can post some before and after pictures.
2) B and I are training for a 5K. I think I will only be able to walk it, but I really am going to give it my best shot. It is 2 months from now. I want to see how far I can walk on my own right now and then I will come up with a schedule of weekly goals.

The 5K makes me nervous. I am terrified I won't be able to do it, or my lungs won't cooperate. We have decided to give TTC a break for at least a month while I get ready because training for it while pregnant would not be fun. This also scares me. I really thought I would get pregnant right away. I just don't want to still be trying 6 months from now. I am trying to see this as a "it will happen when it's supposed to happen" event. I know in my head that it would be better if I was at a healthier weight, but I really want to know another baby is on the way.


Pantry and No Spend month.

In an endeavor to save as much as possible May will be eat out of the pantry and no spending month. And since we need every penny we are starting today, 5 days before May.

So I will post spending and meals Every day for the next 36 days. I can't spend absolutely nothing. Mother's day is this month. I will make dinner for MIL. And I will think of something to do for my mom. Also I am making dinner for a playgroup mom on Sunday. I am about 99% sure the only expense will be a package of chicken breast and containers to deliver the meal in, and B,X and I will get dinner from that meal as well. The last known expense will be toilet paper and tampons...they are necessary but should come in under $10. I imagine $50 to be the minimum to spend this month. Wouldn't it be incredible if I could keep it to $100 MAX.

So Meals today
Breakfast - cereal, milk. We are going to have to use oatmeal because the cereal will not last long
Lunch- BBQ for me Leftovers for B.
Dinner - B will have BBQ before class. X and I will have Tacos. I will add a can of black beans to the taco meat to stretch it out so it will last for an extra meal!

I don't know what to do.

So we had a nice, productive weekend or so I thought until I started looking at how much money we have spent since the last payday. The amount is OBSCENE. And yes this is a month where we have extra because there are 3 paychecks, but things have spiraled out of control. I feel so lost. And I am the one responsible, because I am always the only one responsible.

B talks about all of the things he wants to do and wants for the house, but he has no grasp on how much things cost and how little there is leftover every month and that that money should be going to repay debt. There are a few other things we can cut, but beyond that we can not cut much more and not have to resort to eating ramen 3 nights a week.

It is the same story I/We know what needs to be done yet we don't do it. A good chunk of spending was eating out. The second week we did better about not eating out so much, until the weekend. Then we ordered pizza, went to dinner with friends and then had date night. I really didn't want to go, but we had a free babysitter, so I thought we should take advantage of that and anytime I mentioned we could stay in B started moping.

B and I are in the midst of a HUGE fight via email. I know he is busy and has stuff to do and he is in the office alone, but I send him an email about what I have realized and he sends back a reply with nothing of importance in it. I feel like he is to blame, because I am always trying to please him. He still has not learned anything about delayed gratification...AT ALL. He has his own bank account with an overdraft line of credit and his is CONSTANTLY going over the limit and borrowing money from "us" or taking advances on his allowance to cover himself. He still owes us money from going on a trip a few months ago. The problem is I let him do this. I try and tell him no and he manages to wheedle and manipulate and get his way. He used to do the same thing to his mother. She drove herself into debt to give him what he wanted. Debt wise we have made some poor choices in the past, but you would think we would learn from them and change our behavior, but we really haven't. We stopped using credit cards, but saving and eating out less and not spending too much have not really happened. Just this weekend I went and spent about $70 on clothing, now I had allowance money to pay for it, but I think I am going to return them and use the money toward out larger goals.

That is the problem with B, he cant see the big picture. He has things of value which he sells and then spends on himself. I find that selfish. Particularly when there are projects around the house he wants us to pay for. He desperately wants a new couch. I don't understand why he won't sell some of his posters to pay for it. Yes he did sell a big piece to help us get the car, but I am still bitter that he did not take my advice and sell it a year earlier at the most opportune time....we lost out on $3000. Though we probably would have wasted it and then had nothing for the down payment on the car. I guess that is what it is. I just think that if I had the opportunity to make a profit on something I would contribute to our family first.

I know I am at fault too. I keep giving in to what he wants. I don't want him to be angry with me or sad or upset. SO what he had a bad day and wants Chinese food...ok, just this one last time it will be okay. Or I wanted to surprise him so I went ahead and bought him an iPod for his birthday instead of making him save for it I let him pay it off later. He has lived his entire life like this. Get what he wants now and pays for it later and I have gotten sucked in too. Once I had money of my own it was fun being able to buy things, have nice things and clothing. I never had many lessons on savings from my parents. And now I am digging out for mistakes we make 10 years ago and I feel like we will be digging out from them FOREVER. We might.

I would love to have a debt free life, but it seems so far away it is impossible. I do also know that once we have no debt that we will be able to have the life we want. I may be able to stay at home at least part time, but those things that seem so far away are not very good motivators for me. I don't know what to do.



So I realize that it is only Thursday, but so far things are going pretty well. The house is mostly clean (except for the office). We have eaten at home. Last night B did run to the store to pick food up. However, turkey sandwiches and potato chips, while not the most nutritionally sound meal, was 1000 times better than a big plate of greasy Chinese food. There is still food in the fridge for dinner tonight and lunches tomorrow. If we can just keep it up. I know we will be going out once if not twice this weekend. My sister is visiting so we have a babysitter and B and I are going out. Then we may end up going out with some people from B's work on Sunday night. I just know after work tomorrow is going to be HARD. It will be a long day and then with J there just picking up something will be easier. Maybe I can plan to make homemade pizza. I guess I need to go to the store since the girl is weird and won't eat half the stuff we have in the house. Plus we are out of cereal again. How does a family of 3 eat so much cereal!

Tonight I have a playgroup mom's night out thing. I always get so nervous about going somewhere strange, but I generally have a good time. Then I need to come home and have a laundry marathon! I wanted to go to the farmers market, but it looks like it is going to storm this weekend. We NEED the rain, so I am not going to complain about it.



So after having "symptoms" for over a week I was shocked to discover that I am not pregnant. I spent most of the weekend crying off and on. X spoiled us since we got pregnant right away. I really thought I would be okay if it didn't happen right away, so I am surprised at how depressed all of this has made me. I am usually used to getting my way. I am having a hard time seeing this as an opportunity. It is an opportunity to get healthier before I get pregnant. B and I still say we want to start eating better, yet we don't. It will give us more time to save money, because no matter when I have a baby I am going to have to take time off unpaid next time around. I am still unsure if we will try again this month. I ordered some ovulation tests so I know when I ovulate, but we may just use that information to avoid it for the next few months. I am terrified that we will not be able to get pregnant easily.
I know my health/ weight is a huge factor and probably the key. With X I had been working out, we were eating really well and I had lost about 20 lbs that year. I just can't seem to get B on board. He is so stressed and we are both tired and so much of the time picking something up is just much easier than cooking at home.
I am trying to get better this week. I roasted a chicken, made spaghetti sauce, pasta and rice so we have meals ready to go.


Long time No update.

It's been a few weeks. B and I are still trying our lists. The tasks on them have not all gotten accomplished, but for the most part there has been less arguing over who needs to do what, which is nice. It will take time to get used to things. Hopefully by June we will have it all worked out.

On the baby #2 front, I have no news to report.....yet. We decided to go ahead and try this month since I was on an antibiotic and there was no point in taking the pill while on medicine that would essentially negate its effects this month. I am impatient to find out, so impatient I ordered some very inexpensive tests online so I can test everyday from now until Sunday! Crazy, probably. I tell myself that I shouldn't get too excited there is so much working against us. 1)how likely is it that it works on the first try AGAIN 2)I'm nursing still 3) B's medicine may make him temporarily sterile, obviously last time that wasn't the case.
I feel like I will be a little disappointing if it doesn't happen because a Christmas baby would be fun. But I also feel that if it doesn't happen then it isn't the right time for us and I can take the next few months to focus on eating better and exercising and loosing some weight and we can try again in July/ August.


My head is too full.....

....of random thoughts. I flit from one idea to the next. There are So many projects I keep coming up with. I think a fence might be affordable if we do it ourselves. We need to measure the back yard. Then I keep finding tables and umbrella sets I want. I am excited there was a really nice table at Lowe's for $88, though the chairs are a bit high and we would have to slowly buy those. There is one at target for $60 with more affordable chairs...but I am not sure I love the glass top. The Lowes table is iron mesh so water flows through it. We have also debated putting up a few fence panels along the drive way patio area for privacy sake and then putting a whole fence in next year. I am not sure what the best solution is. I know we need to do something out back to define the "patio" area so we have somewhere to put a table and chairs. I bought some spray paint for the mailbox. Hopefully it is dry next Saturday. The plan is to clean the box Saturday morning then after the mail comes take it off and paint it. If the paint works it will look awesome.... it is supposed to look like hammered copper. I may try the light before I try the mail box if I get the chance. The shed needs to get cleaned out and organized at some point too, but that can wait on the rest of the houses. B plans to remove and re mulch the flower bed out front. I really want to plant a tree in the yard once the stump is removed AND azaleas on the back hill...and day lillys. Mom might have some she can thin out for me

My list from this weeked
1) Dust
2) Vacuum the rest of the house
3)Wash sheets
5)Plan Menu for the week
6)Clear out junk in office
7)Organize cabinets in kitchen: food cabinet, under sink and the drawers.

So I am a little obsessed with Apartment Therapy. I have decide to participate in their 8 week home Cure. That being said I have MANY project I want to accomplish by the end of the 8 weeks to make the house a nicer, happier and more functional place to live.

Here is what I would like to accomplish by room:
LIVING ROOM: Clean under all furniture, De-clutter bookcases, reorganize closet, clean baseboards and scuffs off walls, and Hang curtains higher.

KITCHEN: clean and keep clean, organize pantry, organize cabinets and drawers. Perhaps install pull out drawers in the under sink cabinet to give easier access. I also would love to put some colorful paper in the back of a few cabinets.

LAUNDRY - Need to balance washer and dryer, organize the cabinets, sweep laundry detergent off the floor, wipe out washer, clean lint under dryer and on exhaust tube. I would like to find a cart that would fit between to washer and dryer.

X's ROOM - eventually we will swap his room with the office so baby #2 (still in the planning phase now) will have space to scare with him. I need to clean his closet, put away some old clothing and also had thought about painting/ papering his bookcase for a pop of color.

OFFICE - clean, clean, clean.

BEDROOM - We would like to add a wardrobe of some sort just trying to figure out what would look best, as well as what to do with the bookcases if we do.

BATHROOM - Re- caulk the tub, clean, wash shower curtain, more curtain rod...maybe buy new shower curtain.

OTHER: Paint mailbox, plant flowers, paint light, touch up trim paint, clean windows, clean scuffs on wall.


We got some things accomplished today. Here is the run down.

1)Bought a vacuum, and vacuumed the mattress....it was gross to see what it pulled out of the bed.
2)Bought paint and other odds and ends to work on various projects around the house
3)Furnace filter changed
4)New bench for kitchen assembled, now we just need to decide where it goes.
5)We managed to eat at home so far this weekend, which IS an accomplishment for us.
6)Folded and put away laundry

To do tomorrow
1) Dust
2) Vacuum the rest of the house
3)Wash sheets
4)Wash clothes
5)Plan Menu for the week
6)Clear out junk in office
7)Organize cabinets in kitchen: food cabinet, under sink and the drawers.

So I am a little obsessed with Apartment Therapy. I have decide to participate in their 8 week home Cure. That being said I have MANY project I want to accomplish by the end of the 8 weeks to make the house a nicer, happier and more functional place to live.

Here is what I would like to accomplish by room:
LIVING ROOM: Clean under all furniture, De-clutter bookcases, reorganize closet, clean baseboards and scuffs off walls, and Hang curtains higher.

KITCHEN: clean and keep clean, organize pantry, organize cabinets and drawers. Perhaps install pull out drawers in the under sink cabinet to give easier access. I also would love to put some colorful paper in the back of a few cabinets.

LAUNDRY - Need to balance washer and dryer, organize the cabinets, sweep laundry detergent off the floor, wipe out washer, clean lint under dryer and on exhaust tube. I would like to find a cart that would fit between to washer and dryer.

X's ROOM - eventually we will swap his room with the office so baby #2 (still in the planning phase now) will have space to scare with him. I need to clean his closet, put away some old clothing and also had thought about painting/ papering his bookcase for a pop of color.

OFFICE - clean, clean, clean.

BEDROOM - We would like to add a wardrobe of some sort just trying to figure out what would look best, as well as what to do with the bookcases if we do.

BATHROOM - Re- caulk the tub, clean, wash shower curtain, more curtain rod...maybe buy new shower curtain.

OTHER: Paint mailbox, plant flowers, paint light, touch up trim paint, clean windows, clean scuffs on wall.


Change is Slow.

It has only been about 36 hours since I tried to kick my rear in gear. Change is slow. I need to be okay with that. B and I ended up eating out for lunch yesterday while running an errand. But lunches were already packed and ready to go for today. B has been very stressed because he is taking the GRE today. Hopefully once that is over we can get things back on track. I know he needs to work on school work too.

We have a leaking toilet that needs to be addressed...as in leaking from the bottom, which doesn't sound good. Also I think the house smells. I can't wait to throw open the windows this evening and all weekend and just give everything a good scrub down. I think we will buy a new vacuum this weekend. The expense seems a little odd when I am trying to save money, but the last time I used our 6 year old one it started smoking....and I hate it. I have been having trouble breathing lately and I think a really deep clean will help me feel better.

Motivation is my problem. Last night for example I was SO tired and had to take my inhaler again. B went back into work for overtime so I was left alone to care for the wee one. He wore me out. Then once I put X to bed I couldn't get started. I would flit from room to room. Walk in the kitchen....the pile by the pantry is suck a heap of canned goods and things we bought at Ikea I can't even walk over there. Then walk into the bedroom. It depressed me too....giant heap of clean laundry in a basket. Walk back into the kitchen to get a drink....sink FULL of dirty dishes. We really haven't started the taking turns idea of taking care of various chores around the house yet because the dishes still have not been done from B's first "turn". So then I go to the office. It is also a giant heap. So I start picking things up, but really 25% of the stuff is desk stuff that is sitting on or under the desk, 25% is clothing that I picked up and put away. The other 50% is miscellaneous JUNK. Some I can put away, but most of it is crap that B is storing which needs to go elsewhere. Honestly if the Bag of goodwill clothing, the 2 boxes of books, and boxes of old telephones and speakers were gone it would look like a normal room. Yes the bookcase would still need organized and the giant pile of pillows and blankets need a home to live in. It is a tiny bit cleaner and I did manage to clean a box of candle holders. Most of the pillar candles that when with the holders are so covered with soot from the fireplace in the last apartment that they were not salvageable in any form that resembled a candle.

I am trying to decide when to move X's bedroom. We know that eventually the office will be his room (and hopefully baby #2's as well) and his room will become the office, as long as we can find some way to fit a bed/ futon in the office. It is a small room so arranging furniture is tough. I really thing the best thing would be to wait until we can put a wardrobe in the bedroom, that my clothing can go in. That would free up an entire closet so many of the things out in the office could be put away in the closet once we switch rooms.


Fed Up

I am fed up again. Why am I continually frustrated by the fact I KNOW what I need to do, I just always fail to do it? I keep repeating the same behaviors and wanting things to be different, yet I do nothing to change it.

I need to be better at everything. Making healthy meals at home, exercising regularly, keeping a handle on spending, paying off bills aggressively, saving money for the future, keeping the house clean. I feel like if any of those pieces could fall into place....then everything else would follow. I just can't seem to get anything to stick. I have had a hard time finding the motivation as well. Now I have new motivation, the same motivation that got us on track 3 years ago. I wanted a baby. So I lost 30 lbs, paid off a few thousand in debt. I did not suddenly learn how to keep the house clean or stick with healthy eating and exercise once morning sickness hit. That is really what drove me to improve though. And now I am wanting another baby and wanting the best for the tiny man at home maybe that will be my motivation to change. To be the put-together, happy, healthy, loves to exercise, frugal, active, fun Mama I can be.

I look at pictures of people from high school and college on facebook. Pictures of people with families, with multiple kids and I think "are we really old enough for that yet" I am not old I'm 28. But I remember as I was getting ready to get married at 22 that 30 seemed really old and far away. So much closer to it, 30 really doesn't seem that old now. Even so I am celebrating 28 for the second time this year ;).

So this is it. This year I am going to be different. I am going to try and Run a 5k in August. I am going to plan on getting pregnant in the next 12 months. I am going to enjoy my life, my family, my son and I will be better for them. I will not let myself get discouraged when things don't go as planned. I am not perfect I will mess up, things will go wrong. It will be okay no mater what. If I at least TRY to be different in a year I can look back and say "well I really tried" instead of looking back and feeling frustrated because I am stuck in the same place I was before.


Maybe baby?

After a pregnancy scare...scare is the wrong word because I was okay with the prospect last month, baby #2 has seriously been on my and B's minds. The plan was to either wait until August or September to try and get a may or June baby or wait until February/March to try for a December-ish baby. Somehow today we got talking about trying for a this Christmas baby?!!?!?! I don't hate the idea. Though this all started with me feeling overwhelmed with being a mom. I am just tired. I feel like I have been "on" for 18 months. And the days I wasn't I was too sick to care. So why in the world am I know contemplating a baby 6 to 12 months sooner than the original plan? I want to be able to go on vacation, hopefully to a beach. If we had a baby this year then by next June I would have enough vacation days to take and a 6 month old that still is easy to travel with. We have been waiting to go until X was easier to travel with, able to go and not eat the sand. But if we wait and have a 2011 spring baby we are at least a year from going to the beach and then we would have to take a 1 year old and a nearly 4 year old. Not sure how that would work.


Weekend Update

So what did I manage to accomplish on my todo list this weekend.

1)Closet Re-Organizing - DONE, for the most part. I have to see how it all works and how functional it is, but there is space leftover, which is always a good feeling.
2)Move Bed - DONE, it feels so much more open I can't wait to sleep in there tonight.
3) Organize pantry. To Do. I did stock up on things so I hope to get to it this week so I can put my 7 boxes of cereal and 24 cans of fruit and veggies away
4) 3K It rained, and we are fat and lazy.
5)IKEA - It was a mildly disappointing trip. We decided we don't like most of the couches we were thinking about. We have a few plans for some projects (more closet storage..yay!)
6) Make Bread. Not enough time
7) Make some food to freeze. Pumpkin pancakes are my current plan. They are yummy and a bit more dense than your average pancake...and they are lower in fat that regular pancakes and contain a vegetable... how can you beat that!
8) Watch a movie with B. Yes, we saw "Whip It" It was cute
9) caulk the d*%& tub! No, I don't want to talk about it right now.
10) Convince B to crawl under the house and change the furnace filter. I resorted to bribery, but have yet to see results.

So not the most productive weekend ever. Ikea took most of yesterday. We still are up in the air about a new couch and what the biggest priority is. Is a chaise, the price, the look or a sleeper sofa the most important thing to us? I am not sure.
Tomorrow is Monday. I guess I need to get my act together and get stuff ready.


Yay for Friday!

I am so glad it is Friday. I played electrician this morning and took apart a piece of equipment at work, making me feel very handy. Now if I can manage to replace the part that is broken I will know I am handy.

I did not get a chance to tackle the closet make over yet, because a tiny Mr. X was sleeping and I did not want to disturb him. Hopefully tonight I can get everything pulled out before his bedtime. In addition to that project there are SO many things I want to tackle this weekend.
1)Closet Re-Organizing
2)Move Bed - I have some super exciting plans see my inspiration here: http://www.younghouselove.com/2008/02/over-our-heads/ Plus I turned the mattress around a few weeks ago to get an idea if the bed placement would work and it is amazing how much more open the bedroom feels with the bed turned around.
3) Organize pantry. It is a mess, I know I need to stock up on some things but I need to find out what we have as well
4) 3K??? if it doesn't rain.
5)IKEA - though I wonder if I shouldn't wait until I get all of my re-arranging done first.
6) Make Bread. The bread was such a hit last weekend and it really is fast.
7) Make some food to freeze. Pumpkin pancakes are my current plan. They are yummy and a bit more dense than your average pancake...and they are lower in fat that regular pancakes and contain a vegetable... how can you beat that!
8) Watch a movie with B. We have one from netflix sitting on the counter. Maybe we will get to it tonight after I gut the bottom half of the closet
9) caulk the d*%& tub! No, I don't want to talk about it right now.
10) Convince B to crawl under the house and change the furnace filter. I am not sure what genius thought it was a brilliant idea to put the furnace in the crawl space under the house....but its not. I may have to resort to bribery.


So far so good.

Well so far things are going pretty well. The kitchen is a bit of a mess while we still define the rules of our whole new division of labor plan. Menu wise we have done pretty well. Knowing we were eating out mid week has made things easier and resulted in a yummy lunch for me today since I was busy cutting up X's food to eat and in reality was full from bread and the appetizer we shared.

I think we will have to change the menu up a hair and do pizza on Friday since we are out of tortillas for fish tacos and I want to avoid shopping for more than fruit, spinach and eggs if possible this week.
Saturday is the 3K and it is supposed to rain. I am not sure what my feelings are about that. On one hand I want to see if I can do it, but on the other hand I don't want to keel over, though I don't think I will. We also have plans to go to Ikea this weekend. Not for a giant shopping trip, but more to scope things out and help us formulate a plan for the house. the trick will be getting out of there without spending too much money.

Parts of the house are really irritating me lately. The office is a mess. I may have mentioned before it looks like something from a show about Hoarders. The problem is that is used to have a futon in it that many things were stored under (suitcases, weights etc.) Without the futon if just looks like we have a room full of junk. What I would like to do is clean out the bottom of the hall closet and store them there. Currently the toolbox lives in that closet so we need to find space for that to go as well. We put an old bookshelf in the bottom of the closet for extra storage, but really with the toolbox there is it not very easy to get to. I think the best thing to do would be to move the toolbox up to the shelf. And then put the plastic drawer on that shelf on the floor, perhaps with another plastic drawer that is in X's closet. My only question is will I need to take the bookcase out or will I need to remove or turn it to get into the plastic drawers. He drawers are nice and flat and out luggage will sit nicely on them. If we keep the bookcase the shelves would be a good place to put all of the extra soap and toothpaste since they are accessed much more infrequently than the toolbox.


It's March already?

It must be where February is a short month, but March's quick arrival has surprised me. Things are looking up. We have had warm weather. We have turned the house from a pit into something resembling neat again. We have cooked some really delicious meals at home (including homemade bread and cinnamon rolls!), and I even managed to go to the gym!
B and I have finally come to an agreement about the housework. I don't know why it took us so long, or seemed so hard, or unfair. What was unfair was always living in a mess, and being angry and eating out because things were too big of a mess, then feeling crummy because we never managed to do anything other than watch TV and eat crap. The new plan divides most weekly tasks up, and we will alternate. I am excited to see how it goes. I can say that already in less than a week it has had a great mental impact. Just thinking...its not my week has left me with less guilt, and thinking its not B's week has left me with much less anger/ frustration when something isn't done.

Budgetary things are not fun. I go in with grand plans about saving tons of money and then way overspend over the weekend on groceries and other things. The $190 trip to Meijer wasn't good. I was buying a lot of things that were one time purchases, and managed to save $32 in coupons! We both needed razors since keeping a battery in a razor for 5 years leads to a battery that looks like it might explode at any minute. I also bought a swiffer mop vacuum thing. Not a need at all, but I thought it would help keep the kitchen floor clean and with my $10 coupon it was only $14. My goal for the rest of the month is to see how little I can spend on groceries and still get by. I need to find better snack options for X, other than the Gerber snacks if I want to cut down on spending, trouble is they are just SO convenient. Convenience is what often ruins my best laid budget plans.

So the remainder of the week I am going to try to stick to our menu. Here is what it looks like
Tuesday - Hamburgers, french fries and green beans
Wednesday - we are being taken out by the In-laws.
Thursday - Leftovers or spaghetti made from Tuesdays hamburger
Friday- Fish Tacos
Saturday-Homemade pizza

And thinking ahead to avoid grocery shopping if possible
Sunday- Chicken stir fry
Monday - BBQ pork in the crock-pot
Tuesday Jambalaya with chicken and pork
Wednesday Pasta of some sort
Thursday BBQ sandwiches
Friday - Omelets


Vacation day

Took a vacation day today. The sad thing is I took time off to clean the house and cook. We are going back to A town tomorrow and I really would love to have the house in order and the fridge and freezer full of food that will make our meals next week easy. currently I am lacking motivation. I have cooked some sweet potatoes and chopped them up and put them in the freezer. The dishwasher just finished, just 2-3 more loads to go. My goal for today is to get the house and kitchen really clean to surprise B. He is going to an art gallery opening this evening in Cincy so I have untill 10 or 11 tonight to get everything done. Mr. X is with his "granny-nanny". Maybe today we will take him somewhere to play this afternoon and run off some energy, plus MIL has to be going a bit stir crazy with all the snow and ice lately.

So what do I hope to accomplish today. It is already 12:30 and I am going out with X and MIL at 3. So I have 2 hours, when I consider it will take 30 to get ready to go out.

Put X's clothing away, pick up his room -done
Clean the bathroom counter - done
Clean off the Kichen table -sort of
Hang my clothing in office - done

I think that is a good todo list for now. Later I will see what I accomplish and my plans for this evening.


Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. B and I have decided to try and take this more seriously this year. And by more seriously I mean actually observe it. Today we are abstaining from meat and "fasting" though the definition of fast isn't really no food, just less food and no snacks. So I researched why we fast and found this:

Fasting: Fasting is one of the most ancient practices linked to Lent. In fact, the paschal fast predates Lent as we know it. The early Church fasted intensely for two days before the celebration of the Easter Vigil. This fast was later extended and became a 40-day period of fasting leading up to Easter. Vatican II called us to renew the observance of the ancient paschal fast: "...let the paschal fast be kept sacred. Let it be celebrated everywhere on Good Friday and, where possible, prolonged throughout Holy Saturday, so that the joys of the Sunday of the Resurrection may be attained with uplifted and clear mind" (Liturgy, # 110).

Fasting is more than a means of developing self-control. It is often an aid to prayer, as the pangs of hunger remind us of our hunger for God. The first reading on the Friday after Ash Wednesday points out another important dimension of fasting. The prophet Isaiah insists that fasting without changing our behavior is not pleasing to God. "This, rather, is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own" (Is 58:6-7).

Fasting should be linked to our concern for those who are forced to fast by their poverty, those who suffer from the injustices of our economic and political structures, those who are in need for any reason. Thus fasting, too, is linked to living out our baptismal promises. By our Baptism, we are charged with the responsibility of showing Christ's love to the world, especially to those in need. Fasting can help us realize the suffering that so many people in our world experience every day, and it should lead us to greater efforts to alleviate that suffering.

Abstaining from meat traditionally also linked us to the poor, who could seldom afford meat for their meals. It can do the same today if we remember the purpose of abstinence and embrace it as a spiritual link to those whose diets are sparse and simple. That should be the goal we set for ourselves—a sparse and simple meal. Avoiding meat while eating lobster misses the whole point!


So we are trying this today and for the next 40 days. We are also trying to better ourselves in other ways, perhaps more material ways. We are not going to spend money during lent. We will buy groceries, gasoline and medicine. B and I need to learn delayed gratification and to really consider what are needs and what are wants. Lent seemed like an appropriate time to do this. We are not going to eat out, again this is a want not a need. If we are invited out we may go. Chinese takeout, which is our greatest weakness it completely off limits for the next 40 days. Perhaps reflecting on those who can not have such luxuries will allow us to be happy with what we have.
I also considered giving something up for lent, the usual suspects are chocolate, TV. Instead I am going to do something. I am not going to tell B about it and see if he guesses what it is. I plan to do housework without complaint and with a giving heart. I love my family and doing housework blesses them. I will not keep score between B and I and who has done more. We shall see if 40 days of work without complaint and procrastination can help.


Slacker mommy strikes again.

And here I am again in the endless cycle of the house is sort of clean and then we "relax" for a week and it is not exactly a disaster, but I feel like I could have made so much more progress, but instead have "veg-ed" all week.
Sunday we had a super bowl party. I made amazing food and wish I had thought to take pictures. I made buffalo wing dip, veggie pizza, pizza bites, brownies and lemon bars. Everyone seemed to have a good time, ate plenty of yummy food and enjoyed themselves. X behaved and went to bed like a champ. The pizza bites were from a blog I love to look at called "Annie's Eats" though the dough was seriously runny when I made it they still came out awesome and I had no leftovers from the double batch. So Sunday night I felt like I pretty much had it together. The house looked nice we had a good time....it was like we were (gasp) grown ups!

Now upon closer inspection you would see the clean house had a bedroom with a heap of clothing (that is STILL there 4 days later) and an office that is a serious mish mash of junk and things that used to live under the futon, which B removed from the house with little regard as to where guests will sleep. We have spent days eating junk and take out and doing nothing. We have ignored the dishes in the sink and the diapers piling up in the laundry room. I have been battling ammonia issues with the diapers, but it is my own doing I should wash them more often. Though since MIL is now watching DS we can send him in more complicated diapers and it extends the number of days we can go between washes, which is bad.

It is the same problem I always have. I KNOW what needs to be done. I chose not to do it. I ignore what needs taken care of. I procrastinate. I tell myself "I deserve" a break or a treat. I know B struggles with the same issues, and he has school work on top of it. I don't think it is a matter of not having enough time. I think we feel like we don't have enough time so we put things off, when in reality they would take a lot less time than we think. We put off what we NEED to do and then never get around to having time to do what we want to do.

The list of things I want to do is endless, and perhaps another post.


Well how am I doing so far. I have not posted weekly updates. I think Biweekly updates on my BIG goals and weekly updates on my "lists" seem fair.

1) Run a 5k before I am 29 years old - We started a new diet. Cut out processed foods, snacking on junk, and most sugar. I have lost 7 lbs in 10 days! Kind of amazing. The limiting sugar is really helping control my hunger at other times of day. Too much sugar makes me mean and grouchy like a toddler. Monday I went to the gym. I have a cold so it was very hard. But I did it. I am walking a 3k in March. I have a plan to work my way up to the distance by then.

2) Be more put together. -
Most days have been pretty good. I could look better. Today I felt horrible and have no makeup on. I still want to take time to do my nails, put lotion on....things like that. The diet has made my skin seem much happier.

3) To do housework every day for at least 15 minutes - this has not happened yet

4) To sleep more-
I don't need to watch 10 pm TV shows I need sleep....true, but Ugly Betty is on at 10.

5) To spend more time with B -
I am going to find some dry erase boards to write our schedule up so we know who is doing what when.

6) To be more focused and
diligent at work - Yesterday I was super focused and productive until after lunch. I need to find a way to keep that momentum going.

7) To explore faith -
currently reading Little Women, which has much stronger christian undertones than I remember. And reminds me to be more "ladylike". We are still planning on going to church, it is just something we dread with a rambunctious toddler.