In spectacular Slacker Mommy fashion I have slacked off from even bothering to remember this blog that no one reads. I often find myself here typing when I can't figure out what is going on in my life. The last six months have been a time of such immense change....it all started last September really. The change has been much more spiritual than anything else and really it now shapes so much of how I view my life. That is probably a post for another day.
I am once again struggling with the desire to do it all, to be supermom, to be a good wife and take care of everyone and am falling way short. I am tired, I am angry that I feel like the last few days I have done nothing but cook and negotiate with a whining almost 3 year old, who when not up to some trouble is asking "why" incessantly. I have been short tempered and angry with both X and B. I am having difficulty knowing at what point do I get to be angry about B's lack of help. I know he is stressed and tired, but I so am I! The house is a wreck, there is not a clean dish in the kitchen and seriously he just sits on the couch and WAITS for me to bring him a plate. I want to scream and yell. I want to start a fight. I want to win. Though I know none of that is the right thing to do. What is? Keep cleaning and cooking until I can't anymore because I am so tired? I try to keep reminding myself of the story of Jesus washing the apostles feet and keep that attitude of service in my heart while I take care of my family and do things I do not enjoy doing.
I can't do it all on my own. Ha! That is so true, but perhaps I am not asking for help from the right person.