I don't know what to do.

So we had a nice, productive weekend or so I thought until I started looking at how much money we have spent since the last payday. The amount is OBSCENE. And yes this is a month where we have extra because there are 3 paychecks, but things have spiraled out of control. I feel so lost. And I am the one responsible, because I am always the only one responsible.

B talks about all of the things he wants to do and wants for the house, but he has no grasp on how much things cost and how little there is leftover every month and that that money should be going to repay debt. There are a few other things we can cut, but beyond that we can not cut much more and not have to resort to eating ramen 3 nights a week.

It is the same story I/We know what needs to be done yet we don't do it. A good chunk of spending was eating out. The second week we did better about not eating out so much, until the weekend. Then we ordered pizza, went to dinner with friends and then had date night. I really didn't want to go, but we had a free babysitter, so I thought we should take advantage of that and anytime I mentioned we could stay in B started moping.

B and I are in the midst of a HUGE fight via email. I know he is busy and has stuff to do and he is in the office alone, but I send him an email about what I have realized and he sends back a reply with nothing of importance in it. I feel like he is to blame, because I am always trying to please him. He still has not learned anything about delayed gratification...AT ALL. He has his own bank account with an overdraft line of credit and his is CONSTANTLY going over the limit and borrowing money from "us" or taking advances on his allowance to cover himself. He still owes us money from going on a trip a few months ago. The problem is I let him do this. I try and tell him no and he manages to wheedle and manipulate and get his way. He used to do the same thing to his mother. She drove herself into debt to give him what he wanted. Debt wise we have made some poor choices in the past, but you would think we would learn from them and change our behavior, but we really haven't. We stopped using credit cards, but saving and eating out less and not spending too much have not really happened. Just this weekend I went and spent about $70 on clothing, now I had allowance money to pay for it, but I think I am going to return them and use the money toward out larger goals.

That is the problem with B, he cant see the big picture. He has things of value which he sells and then spends on himself. I find that selfish. Particularly when there are projects around the house he wants us to pay for. He desperately wants a new couch. I don't understand why he won't sell some of his posters to pay for it. Yes he did sell a big piece to help us get the car, but I am still bitter that he did not take my advice and sell it a year earlier at the most opportune time....we lost out on $3000. Though we probably would have wasted it and then had nothing for the down payment on the car. I guess that is what it is. I just think that if I had the opportunity to make a profit on something I would contribute to our family first.

I know I am at fault too. I keep giving in to what he wants. I don't want him to be angry with me or sad or upset. SO what he had a bad day and wants Chinese food...ok, just this one last time it will be okay. Or I wanted to surprise him so I went ahead and bought him an iPod for his birthday instead of making him save for it I let him pay it off later. He has lived his entire life like this. Get what he wants now and pays for it later and I have gotten sucked in too. Once I had money of my own it was fun being able to buy things, have nice things and clothing. I never had many lessons on savings from my parents. And now I am digging out for mistakes we make 10 years ago and I feel like we will be digging out from them FOREVER. We might.

I would love to have a debt free life, but it seems so far away it is impossible. I do also know that once we have no debt that we will be able to have the life we want. I may be able to stay at home at least part time, but those things that seem so far away are not very good motivators for me. I don't know what to do.

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