Memories from a year ago...

As it gets closer to X's birthday I keep thinking about last year. At this point I was SO pregnant, uncomfortable, swollen and tired. I was very impatient. I had my Doctors appointment and found I was dilated to 4cm and 75-80% effaced. It seemed like anytime the baby could be born. The week before my due date was the hardest at work because people kept acting surprised that I was still there and pregnant. I remember the sweet old couple in the apartment next to us ran into us on Sunday and it was the first time she realized I was expecting. Mrs. F mentioned it, then seemed very surprised when I told her I was due in 3 days!

The 25th was a Monday and I had given up hope that he would be born without an induction. I never let myself hope he would be born before Friday. So when my water broke that night I was a little surprised.

Remembering all of this makes me want another baby SO much. The excitement and joy of it all. But now I know what labor is like, there is so much less unknown so maybe it would be less stressful in that regard. Honestly if we had the money for daycare I would definitely be considering getting pregnant again. Which seems insane since I am so tired all of the time and cant seem to get my life together with one kid. But things don't feel complete. I really want another baby and I really wish I could have one sooner than later

August goals.

It seems August is already here. I have not managed to make much progress in accomplishing all I set out for myself in July. X was baptized last weekend. I did manage to pull of a very nice meal for our families who came to mass. I made chicken tortilla soup in the crock pot, salad and had berries with angel food cake for dessert. I need to focus more on my small accomplishments instead of everything I should be doing. I have the tendency to flit from one idea or task to the next. It makes it very difficult to focus.

I think that will be my goal for the next week to be more mindful of what I am doing and focus on the task at hand. I am going to do one task a day around the house....simple things that need to be done

Monday - dust
Tuesday - mop / vacuum
Wednesday - clean bathroom
Thursday - clean fridge
Friday - change sheets

I need to regain my focus at work. I have enough work to do for months, but I manage to procrastinate and I could be more productive. I should have the lab in better order, and there I go worrying about everything I should do. I can't help it. It makes sense if the lab was cleaner then I wouldn't have to clean things before I start a project. Really I need to pick the place up. Tomorrow at work I am going to try and stay fully focused on work, which is SO hard for me. I have brains to slice. I am going to do that, prepare some slides and spend at least 1 hour picking up the lab.

I can do this I have 8 hours at work and at least 3 baby free hours in the evening. I should be able to accomplish SO much. I am going to try my hardest to make the most of it!

So here we are July is winding down. Things with work are better and I am probably not going to have to look for a job right now.

I am not much closer to any of my goals than I was this time a month ago. I have been trying to stretch myself a little more with mixed results. Friday I went to a scrapbooking crop and I was SO nervous to be somewhere new with people I didn't know. And I didn't speak to anyone the whole night. I am however determined to go again sometime. Maybe next month. Now I know what to expect it might be better. Saturday I was to meet some local mommies at a park. Only one other mom showed up, but it was nice to meet someone else and not too terribly weird. The weather was beautiful and strangely cool for July. Hopefully we can encourage some other mamas to attend next time. X wore me out because he wanted to eat the mulch most of the time we were there.

I guess that is progress. B and I are still trying really hard to not fight and when we do, figure out what we are really upset about instead of bringing everything up like we normaly do. It is work at times but things have been better between us. We still need to work on time with each other and taking time out for ourselves. Friday I went to scrapbook and was gone for about 4-5 hours. Instead of enjoying himself B cleans the house and does laundry. It looks great, but I wish he took time out for himself.

We are still struggling to eat at home and stick to a budget. It is such a struggle. We really need to sort this out. There is so much that we want to do with the house, buy a new car, save for maternity leave in a couple of years and pay off bills and it never fails we seem to get off track.

If it's not one thing it is something else....

Things at home seem to be going well this week. B and I have not had one arguement. I tried to figure out why and the only thing that I could come up with is we have not watched nearly as much TV. Television is such a time suck. No wonder I am such a slacker / procrastinator.

Work on the other hand has me on edge. Things are weird and there may be the posibility that I may need to start looking for a new job. That prospect is terrifying to me. I have worked at the same place for 6 years. I an comfortable and happy. I hate change!

My inner rebel

I can't seem to get going. I am exhausted all of the time. Which may have something to do with the fact X has been waking up at 5:30 am EVERY morning for over a week. By the end of the day I am so worn out I resort to caffeine to function, then I can't get to sleep so I have been clocking 4-5 hours a night, maximum. This needs to change.

I know there are things that need to be done. I just don't want to do them. I would rather do something enjoyable or fun. So what do I do? I rebel against myself and don't do what needs to be done. Or I do the bare minimum I need to get by. Some examples of this would be the dishes from dinner still on the table. This may in part be due to the sink so piled with dishes it can't be used (which is B's job and a different post). I walked by those plates a dozen times this evening and they are still sitting there. Or the giant tub of baby bottles that need washed. They started piling up so things snowballed and now nearly every bottle/ pump part is dirty.

I KNOW these things need done, but I tell myself " I don't want to" or it has been a long, hard week and "I deserve the chance to relax." Nothing gets done I get overwhelmed. Why do I do this? I need to do 100 things before we go home this weekend but I really can't find the motivation to do it.

Also I was re- reading my last post and my ideas sound great I just hope I can actually work on those goals this month.

Goals for the next month or so.

So I am still a slacker. I have started about 6 posts and not finished one of them in the last month. I have so many ideas that I would love to get out of my head.


We have had a crazy to weeks. Since my last post B and I came down with a stomach bug. Not pleasant. First time in 12 years that I have thrown up. The Monday after that X started his new daycare.


The new daycare so far is awesome. Everyday not only do they write down when he ate and slept but I get details about what he played with, what toys he liked that day. Getting just a little view into what he was doing during the day gives me so much more peace. X never missed a beat. I was really worried about the transition, but he has just rolled with it and is doing great.


Last weekend my sister and her family came to visit. It is so nice to have visitors. They had not seen the house yet. Though I was glad to have a nice quiet weekend this weekend. X and I did go to a going away party for a co-worker. It was a nice time and I am going to miss S, she was my mommy buddy at work. No one else I am friends with has kids so they don't always "get it".





B and I have really been struggling with the whole division of labor. I feel like I have too much on my shoulders and get overwhelmed. He feels like he does everything. It has been the source of a lot of bad feelings and arguments. It isn't like we live in a house that just has piles and piles of stuff, junk or filth everywhere. You know the kind of thing you see on TV and shake your head in wonder how people could live like that. But there are things that need to be done that if they don't get done make life much more difficult. Getting out of the house in the morning is our greatest challenge.



I have all of these grand ideas of what I want to do and how I want my life to be. I just cant seem to get there. So I am going to try to take this in baby steps.



1) I want to accomplish Something every day. Not the regular bottles/ dinner/ laundry chores but something extra. This might include cleaning bathroom, dusting, de-cluttering. But if I did one thing every day the house would look pretty good.



2) I want to get into better shape. I have a great dislike for sweating. But I could lift weights or do yoga. My goal for July is 2 nights a week.



3) I need to take time for myself. I need to schedule this with B. I need some time to myself. Currently the only alone time I get is grocery shopping, and I don't think that counts. At least a 2 hour stretch a week to do something. Read, scrapbook just something that I like to do.

Diaper Update, Goodbye old daycare and weekend plans.

So the Fuzzi Bunz diaper worked great overnight. It did make his bum look like a giant marshmallow, but he stayed dry, even when he joined us in bed to eat at 2:30 AM. We are home with a cold today and using cloth again. I discovered the twist fold and it has made using the pre-folds so much easier.

B took baby X to the daycare today with cards and some homemade blueberry muffins. We are leaving for a number of reasons, but I still am grateful that they did a decent job watching X most of the time. The new daycare has a 1:4 ratio and is about a 10-15 minute walk from work for both B and myself. The thought that I could go and nurse him at lunch once a week, or could go over and volunteer in his class or have lunch with him is awesome. I really think having him so close will make a huge difference. I feel like I spend so little time with him during the week.

So what do I need to do this weekend: clean the house, I really want to get the office put in order so maybe I can work on X's scrapbook. I haven't finished a page in it since he was about 2 months old.